Transformers: Bay Doesn’t Give a Shit About You

I despise the Bay-directed Transformers movie franchise.

It embodies everything wrong about the money churning story deprived shows which so many blindly supports. And because of China’s love for pretty looking CGI with zero depth, it is a blackhole that we’re inevitably spiralling into.

The Transformers legacy has been savaged and torn apart in Bay’s franchise. With every sequel, it loses more of what made Transformers great. The Decepticons are a far cry of who they were in the animated series, portrayed as stereotypical heartless evil doers. The plot is convoluted in attempt to sound smart and epic. The action relies on visual noise instead of choreography.

I’ll say it again with every fibre in me. I despise the Bay-directed Transformers movie franchise.

Why the extreme hate?

This scene alone is enough to show you how lazy and unbothered Bay and his team were. Let’s see if you can spot the crap that Bay just spat in your face with. You can stop bleeding your eyes once Megatron flies out of the ocean.

 

What happened?

Submarine guy: “We detect 5 contacts diving.”

Decepticons reaches Megatron at the bottom of the ocean. Random tiny robot doctor requires one Decepticon to be sacrificed to fix their overlord. The others tear the weak one apart, using his parts to fix Megatron. When he wakes, they swim up.

Submarine guy then reports with all his high tech submarine crap: “Sonar detects 6 contacts coming up fast.”

NO. Just no.

5 goes down. 1 gets sacrifice. 4 remains. Megatron comes to life and goes up with the remaining 4 Decepticons. THAT’S FREAKING 5! NOT 6. Basic maths. Basic scriptwriting.

Which begs the question – How the flying f**k did this not get edited and fixed???

Well, it’s because Bay and team doesn’t care.

By continuing to pay to watch movies like Bay’s Transformers, we are allowing crap storytelling to happen. This is what they’re thinking, ‘Our movies are making money even though it’s shit, so why bother putting in more effort?’ They just don’t give a shit about you, the audience.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what’s happening. People are still paying to see Bay’s crap tossed at them (China especially). And Bay will keep it coming as long as money keeps pouring.

So do yourself and the industry a favour by saying no. Stop paying for unworthy shows. Stop allowing the industry to degrade into a pile of crap. Stop being treated as idiots who’ll watch anything with big explosions and pretty things.

As long as we keep paying for CGI/explosion obsessed films with no depth in story and character, we’re gonna keep getting more.

***

Here’s a small list of other blasphemous things Bay has done to Transformers. Mind you, I could only watch up till the second movie:

  1. At the end of the first movie, WHY did Megatron die when he finally got his hands on the Matrix? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME PLEASE. If he so desperately sought the Matrix, wouldn’t he be prepared to grasp it a the slightest opportunity?
  2. At the end of the second one, when they used that giant laser to fire at Destructicon, why couldn’t they do the same for Megatron? But where the heck did this come from? No lead up to it. Just an, ‘oh yea, we got this weapon to end the movie let’s just use it.’
  3. Megan Fox + Bay = Hollywood bullcrap.
  4. transformers_age_of_extinction_movie_poster.jpg

As much as we all love to watch big robots fight one another, the portrayal of Optimus Prime as a warmonger riding Grimlock in AoE with sword in hand is a huge middle finger to the Transformers fans. Why? 1. Prime never likes to fight. FULL STOP. 2. Grimlock will never ever let anyone sit on him, and this is a big deal because GRIMLOCK NO LIKE ANYONE.

5. What they’ve done to Destruction.

From this: hqdefault.jpg

To this:Rotf-devastator-game-1.jpg

Sure, take away its colour for a modern rendition. But come on, turning a skyscraper tall Transformer into a giant vacuum is beyond my understanding.

6. Bay or whoever decided to make Starscream a cowering Igor-like character. In the original series, he was as annoying, but he was THE capable right hand of Megatron, and sometimes more evil than Megatron himself.

I’ll stop here. It hurts me to recall anymore of Bay’s crap.

 

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